Last Call: Does your home need a soup tube?

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Oh, Reddit, what would we do without you in these dark, unprecedented times? From burying beans in our yards to mysterious proprietary sandwich recipes to Waffle House feuds, you’ve given us so many potentially genius ideas to reflect upon, pushing our limits of imagination, reminding us that we need to think differently as we rebuild our society. What sort of crazy innovations might we require in the New World Order? Well how about some Soup Tubes!

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: Soup Tubes (patent pending). Is this a real idea, or is it simply an utterly ridiculous story made up for the benefit of the internet? Does it really matter? Who wouldn’t want a pneumatic tube of any sort in their homes! Now, I’m not a fancy engineer-type who has any idea how to build a massive citywide pneumatic system for soup cans, but I’m fancy food-type and a shoving-things-in-pneumatic tubes enthusiast, and I will never shoot down an idea that could potentially shoot a can of bread across my kitchen at high speed. And who knows what sort of cans you can receive?! Why, you could drop anything into a pneumatic tube if you can jam it into a cylinder. I could send all the leftovers I end up with from recipe testing to lucky strangers all over Baltimore. Every day could be like Christmas! Surprise soup! Surprise tuna! Surprise chicken-in-a-can!

If you installed one in your kitchen, what sort of surprises would you like to shoot out of your Soup Tube?