Illustration for article titled A man can’t stop fighting with the cook at Waffle House, and his girlfriend wonders why
Photo: MICHAEL MATHES (Getty Images)

When I saw that Waffle House was trending on Twitter this morning, I was afraid. Was there a dramatic change in the Waffle House Index? Had the entire chain declared bankruptcy? Was this sacred American institution in danger?

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Waffle House is alive and well—thank goodness! The reason for the excitement was a Reddit thread filed under Relationship_Advice. The letter-writer was a 29-year-old woman. Her boyfriend, also 29, is kind and gentle and a paragon of manhood. Except at Waffle House. Specifically, he has a thing for one cook at Waffle House.

It began innocently enough. The boyfriend requested runny eggs. The cook served them hard. The boyfriend complained. The cook responded with a plate of scrambled eggs. When the boyfriend complained again, the cook gave him hardboiled eggs. The boyfriend stomped out in a huff.

The next week we were out getting some shopping done, and he wanted to go to Waffle House again. I suggested that we try out a different place, or at least a different Waffle House location, but he only wanted the same Waffle House. We went in and sat down, and once again the same cook served his eggs wrong. My BF sort of snapped at him that he wasn’t interested in messing around, and just wanted the correct eggs. The cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole cut out in the middle with a fried egg in it. My BF got really mad and threw the egg toast at the cook, which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him. They ended up sort of wrestling/fighting until my BF was like “this is bullshit” and walked out. Nobody got hurt, but the few other people in there were watching and laughing a bit.

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This has now happened six or seven times. “It’s almost a ritual at this point,” says the letter-writer. The boyfriend requests runny eggs, the chef gives him some other form of egg, they fight. The letter-writer stopped going after the second fight, but the boyfriend continued to go on his own, at least until quarantine. (Is “ritual” the right word? Maybe it should be “comedy routine.”)

Her question: is this something she should be worried about? Does the boyfriend want to scatter the eggs, smother the cook, and cover his tracks?

The general opinion of Reddit and Twitter, besides that this letter has to be fake—although the OP has reappeared and swears that it’s not—is yes, she should be worried, but only because the boyfriend and the cook are secretly in love with each other. (It’s the enemies-to-lovers trope in action!) But really, someone at Pixar should get on this, because it would make a brilliant short.

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Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.

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