Lob your best Philosophy 101 criticisms of relativism, but there are few across-the-board truths to our world. We could struggle for hours to come up with one statement that needn’t be followed with an “on the other hand,” or an “in certain situations,” except for this ineffable truth: Seagulls are assholes, and always have been.
The Takeout has become a sort of compendium of asshole seagull behavior, and today we have yet another entry to our files: This seagull found alongside a highway in England masqueraded as an exotic bird in order to gain attention from passing motorists. What looked to be a strange, bright-orange bird alongside the A41 road was, Metro reports, just a common seagull covered in turmeric.
Staff from Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital—a real place that I definitely didn’t just make up to sound British—rescued the out-of-place bird from the side of the road after numerous motorists expressed concern for it. But after a quick shower at the hospital, the bird was revealed to be a seagull who’d likely gotten into some spiced food. “Apart from the vibrant color and pungent smell, he was healthy,” Tiggywinkles Hospital wrote on its Facebook page. “He managed to cover [staff] in curry water, but eventually did let us scrub him clean.”
Classic seagull—roll around in some food, play the martyr, get a free spa day out of it. Assholes, I tell you.