The Takeout’s longstanding position on seagulls: They’re assholes.
I’m talking burger-stealing assholes.
Like, hotel-destroying assholes.
I don’t care if you want to spray jets of water at those assholes.
Oh, and those flying assholes even taste terrible.
So when our Google Alert pinged this morning for seagulls, we thought, perhaps, the Associated Press would finally present a positive story about seagulls to break free of that asshole narrative.
Uh, no. Seagulls remain assholes.
A Pepperdine sports law professor named Alicia Jessop recently visited New England and decided to try her first lobster roll, according to the AP story. Those sandwiches aren’t cheap—she bought hers at Fox’s Lobster House in York Beach, Maine, and it cost her $21.50. The professor found herself standing in front of Maine’s picturesque lighthouses. She held up her lobster roll, framed that shot, and got ready to take a picture for Instagram. But then:
Jessop, who wrote on her just-created site seagullstolemylobsterroll.com, said she ended up spending $43 total for the pleasure of a lobster roll, a measure of viral infamy, and maybe some sweet merch money.
This doesn’t change the fact that seagulls are assholes as much as ever.