When Heinz came out with their line of “Flavor Mashups,” I thought that it was a prank or something. But no, the blended sauces including Mayochup, Kranch, Mayomust, and Mayocue are still on the grocery store shelves, as far as I’ve seen lately. Well, they must be really onto something (or on something), because Heinz is now releasing three more mashups, which are Wasabioli, Hanch, and Tarchup, which also sounds like a terrible legal firm. Unfortunately, though, they’re just in Canada at the moment, according to a press release from Heinz.
If you look carefully at the names, they’re just portmanteaus of their base sauces. Wasabioli, for example, is wasabi blended with garlic aioli, which I’m sure is pretty good. I think that’d go great on a roast beef sandwich. Then there’s Hanch, which took me a minute; this blend is hot sauce and ranch, which I feel like most people would employ on pizza, if I had to guess.
But the last one, Tarchup, is one I have extremely mixed feelings about. It’s tartar sauce plus ketchup. Tartar sauce with seafood is great, but I feel like in any other situation, it’s sort of gross. If you mix that with ketchup, then I feel like you may actually have a crime against nature. Yes, yes, I am very aware that Thousand Island dressing is pretty much tartar sauce and ketchup mixed together, but in my head I have partitioned Thousand Island in the section for salad dressing and not fried fish. Heinz is playing mind games with me.
These blends are specifically from Canada, because Heinz scoured the internet for mentions of sauce blends from Canadian customers. For example, the Wasabioli came from a Canadian who was trying to get a wasabi and garlic aioli stain off her mother’s vintage wedding dress, and she looked to an online wedding for help. The other recipes come from similar seemingly random stories.
Right now the sauces are only at select stores up north, but borders may stand no match against the collective powers of Wasabioli, Hanch, and Tarchup, so we’ll see if they come down to the U.S. later.