Buffaranch, Ketchili—is Heinz Just Trolling Us Now?

A few weeks ago, we announced that Heinz is at it again with its exuberant sauce mashups: following on the heels of such illustrious products as Mayochup (mayonnaise + ketchup), Kranch (ketchup + ranch), Mayomust (mayonnaise + mustard), and Mayocue (mayonnaise + barbecue sauce), Canadian customers saw the debut of Wasabioli (wasabi + aioli), Hanch (hot sauce + ranch), and Tarchup (tartar sauce + ketchup). And now, dropping the news on a Friday afternoon like a seasoned political strategist, Heinz has emailed The Takeout to announce two new mashups in its ever-growing line: Buffaranch and Sweet Ketchili.

In case the portmanteaux were not obvious, here is Heinz's explanation of each product:

• HEINZ Buffaranch combines buffalo sauce and tangy ranch for the perfect balance between creamy and spicy that tastes delicious on literally everything.
• HEINZ Sweet Ketchili is the ultimate blend of ketchup and sweet chili sauce that's sweet with a kick of heat, for the most craveable HEINZ sauce yet.

Folks, throw out your Tarchups and your Mayomusts, because these two sound like they're prepared to leave all others in the dust. Delicious on "literally everything"? The "most craveable HEINZ sauce yet"? The new lineup did not come to play. And you most certainly couldn't create these two concoctions in your own kitchen using products you already have on hand. No, such a thing would be preposterous.

The flavor profiles do sound pretty good. But how are we feeling about the names? "Buffaranch" is, in my opinion, a tragedy—a lost opportunity to partner with celebrity spokesperson Mark Ruffalo. I would also accept "Buffalanch," but maybe that sounded too much like a natural disaster that befalls snackers on Mount Wingsauce.)

The products are on shelves now in the U.S., and according to Heinz, they will "transport your pizza slices, fried chicken sandwiches and juicy burgers directly to flavor town." If anyone plays around with these combos in their kitchen this weekend, let us know! We'll just be over here chanting "Sweet Ketchili, Sweet Ketchili" under our breath.