Shake Out Your White Tablecloths Because Viennetta's Coming Back

Viennetta. Just the name alone should evoke images of grandeur, decadence beyond compare, white tablecloths, and dinner party mysteries. And also, hilarious over-the-top commercials for ice cream shaped like loaf.

I mean, come on. This is a good commercial. The intrigue. The sultry glances. That over-the-top crackling sound effect the serving knife makes when it touches the chocolate.

And now it's back! The news of its revival was buried quietly in a press release, and if you blinked, you might have missed it. But you should go out and buy one to celebrate.

For you young'uns who might not know what I'm talking about, Viennetta, while frequently described as an ice cream cake, has no cake in it at all. It's ice cream that's shaped sort of like a brick of meatloaf, with layers of magic shell-like icing layered in, creating a crackling effect while you eat it. Some of the layers are squiggly like lasagna noodles, making it an airy dairy delight. By today's standards, this ice cream novelty might not have the same as a Blasted Shake'em Bake'em Laser Blasted Macho Ice Cream Blammo Freeze sort of thing, but the commercials were most of the fun.

While the original version was made by Breyers, which already used to position itself as a premium ice cream with a simple list of ingredients, this revived version is going to be manufactured by Good Humor. I hope that doesn't take the glamour out of it.

Man. I've only had Viennetta once or twice in my life, and boy did it feel special when I was a kid. I had it at my friend Ryan's house. I don't think I actually had the guts to ask my parents to buy any because it felt too fancy for Little Dennis. No longer. I'm an adult Dennis now, and I can buy fancy ice creams whenever I feel like it! And I'll wear a fuckin' tuxedo while I'm eating it!

By the way, is it just me, or is the pandemic fueling the resurgence of a lot of throwback-based food? Like the return of 3D Doritos, Totino's pizza stuffers, and the McRib, for example. I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. Because if it is, keep bringing back the oldies, especially if you're gonna haul Viennetta out of the vault, because some of you are probably shouting at your screens right now.