On September 3, 2019, I began one of the greatest adventures of my life. It was an adventure that saw me eat 35 Hot Pockets in four days, fast food burgers topped with discs of fried cheese, and every breakfast item on Wendy’s breakfast menu in one sitting. Months later, as the world began its slide into dystopia, I vowed to help my fellow Americans acclimate by establishing The Takeout’s Official Robot Beat and spent three days living off of hydrated nutrient powders to see what the future might taste like. I wrote recipes to help you cope with the insanity of the world, like grilled cheese sandwiches made with instant ramen, hot dog buns made of knishes, a pizza made entirely of stuffed crust, and frozen pudding pops that look like wangs. It was a hell of a lot of fun, and I loved every goddamn second of it.
Today, the adventure comes to an end. After two years, four months, and 12 days, I am bidding The Takeout adieu. I am so grateful for my time here—the opportunities I’ve had, the lessons I’ve learned, the friends I’ve made—but there are more adventures out there to be had, and I’m ready to have them.
I’m going to put my head down and finally write that fifth book I’ve been meaning to get around to. I’ll be freelancing, and writing about more topics than just food. I will (of course) be launching a newsletter. (A salacious one at that!) And you’ll be able to follow along on Twitter, which is pretty much the only social media platform I have the emotional bandwidth to deal with. (You can also follow me on Instagram if you’d like to see more pictures of my cats.)
This is not goodbye, because you are allowed to go wherever you want on the internet, and I’ll still be hanging around in some part of it. Just not here. It’s been quite a ride, and I feel like the luckiest gal in the world to have taken it with some of the most talented people in the whole goddamn biz. Hope you folks enjoyed the show.