Beverly Hills 90210, now starring Salt Bae

Illustration for article titled Beverly Hills 90210, now starring Salt Bae
Photo: Stuart C. Wilson (Getty Images)

Los Angeles, arguably the celebrity capital of the world, finally has a restaurant helmed by our planet’s greatest celebrity chef: Salt Bae. (His real name is Nusret Gökçe, but I will never, ever call him that.) Last weekend saw the grand opening of the newest location of his Nusr-Et steakhouse chain, located in the only neighborhood that could possibly handle the sort of class and sophistication that drips out Mr. Bae’s pores: Beverly Hills, the second most expensive zip code in America, which was apparently in desperate need of gold-plated steaks.

Advertisement

Oddly, this opening was not surrounded by the usual brouhaha that accompanies a Nusr-Et opening, like March’s bacchanalian “masks optional” bash at Nusr-Et Dallas, or last year’s “shut-down-for-health-and-safety-violations” extravaganza at Nusr-Et Boston. Eater reports the 90210 crowd was not the star-studded event one would assume it to be, unless you count Elite Yelpers as celebrities. At least Jason Statham showed up, who, as you can see in the video below, did an Oscar-worthy job of acting impressed as Mr. Bae showered his steak with a solid quarter-cup of salt:

In his typical renegade fashion, the Bae has chosen to flout all sorts of Los Angeles County public health protocols, like not wearing a mask, and engaging in a little tableside theater, which is currently verboten. But in all fairness, it is technically impossible for Mr. Bae to enter a restaurant without sprinkling salt over everything, and it should certainly be illegal to hide all that sexiness behind a mask. I mean, this is a man who was recently wanted by the Turkish police for allegedly showing his Bae-bits on Instagram “by accident,” and seriously, would the man have over 37 million followers without regularly posting thirst traps like this video of him in a hot tub, or this picture of him standing next to an exceptionally good-looking horse?

Mr. Bae has already compromised enough by agreeing to wear protective gloves while doing his sultry salt sprinkle, depriving his adoring public of the chance to ogle his well-manicured cuticles. This is a perfect example of governmental overreach, depriving us of our inalienable right to get diseases from celebrities. If a person is willing to drop $275 on a non-gold-plated Nusr-Et steak, they deserve the opportunity to be ravaged by whatever microscopic organisms that live on Salt Bae’s body.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.

DISCUSSION

Dead Elvis, Inc.