If you’ve been itching to help the COVID-19 virus mutate into a brand-new possibly-vaccine-resistant variant, get ready to burn those masks and break out those dancing shoes, because tomorrow all coronavirus restrictions will be lifted in Texas! Yessiree, March 10 marks the day when bars, restaurants, and all other businesses will be allowed to fling their doors open to the stir-crazy public and pack them in to 100% capacity. This weekend is going to be L-I-T, and if you’re lucky enough to live in Dallas, there’s a very sexy man with rock-hard abs and gold-plated steaks waiting to receive you with arms open wide. That’s right: Nusret Gökçe—aka Salt Bae—has arrived in the Lone Star State to make all your big, beefy dreams come true.
Eater reports that, last Thursday, the newest outpost of Mr. Bae’s Nusr-Et Steakhouse opened in Dallas’ Arts District in predictably bacchanalian fashion. A short video recapping the extra-festive potential super-spreader event was shared to Salt Bae’s official Instagram account, which I recommend watching in the fetal position after taking some sort of sedative:
Though every single frame of that video caused me to squeeze my Dr. Fauci doll a bit tighter, Eater writes that there are photos showing that Nusr-Et spaced out tables, and that “most staffers were wearing masks.” I have not been able to locate any of these photos, but that’s likely due to the fact that I’ve got my eyes tightly shut from terror.
During opening weekend, long lines of hungry diners stretched down the sidewalk and snaked around the building, hoping to catch a glimpse of celebs like former Bravo reality star Courtney Kerr along with Nusr-Et’s $140 filet mignons and $5 Diet Cokes. If you want to experience the grandeur of Nusr-Et Dallas for yourself, you’ll need to settle for an early bird experience, as there are no tables open past 4:45 p.m. for at least six months. If you can’t get a table, or would prefer to stay away so Texas won’t have to go right back into lockdown, fear not! You can still experience the glory of Salt Bae in your very own home via Uber Eats.