Halloween is a few short weeks away, and if you’re vaxxed up and ready to rage, you’d better get your costume nailed down as soon as humanly possible. Why the rush? Because ever since COVID canceled Halloween festivities last year, America been living with so much pent-up Halloween spirit that everyone has gobbling up costumes like fun-size candy from the moment that plastic pumpkin buckets started showing up at CVS.
As they do every year, major food brands have been releasing Halloween costumes of their own, so that fans of every conceivable consumable can dress up like their favorite snacks and drinks. But thanks to all that aforementioned pent-up Halloween spirit, these novelty costumes are selling out quicker than ever this year. (Sorry to crush your dreams, Hidden Valley Ranch fans.) You’ve got to be in it to win it, people, so if any of the following costumes pique your interest, act fast.
Of course you already own a Cheetos sweater to keep you warm in December, and at least two Cheetos onesies to keep you cozy all winter long. But what to do in the balmy fall, when the temps are not yet frigid but your love of Cheetos burns hotter than ever? Well, now you can dress up like a whole-ass Flamin’ Hot Cheeto, and you can probably get away with wearing this costume for the duration of October, because everyone will think you’re so full of Halloween spirit, you just can’t wait to party. Come November 1st you’re just a crazy person dressed like a snack food, so the sooner you grab one of these $39.99 officially licensed Cheetos costumes at Spirit Halloween, the more fun you’re bound to have. (You can still dress up like Cheeto in the privacy of your home all year round, but without other Cheetos to fraternize with, it gets real lonely real fast.)
Have you ever gotten so stoned that you’ve eaten an entire Crave Case of White Castle sliders by yourself? I have, and I have some serious ideas on how to enhance the experience by wearing a $59.99 White Castle Slider costume from Spirit Halloween. You could spend hours—days, even!—pondering the ethical implications of being an anthropomorphic slider that eats other sliders like a ravenous Godzilla. Even better, arrange all 30 sliders in that Crave Case in a circle on the floor, sit in the center, and pretend they’re worshiping you like a big, beefy god. Then eat every single one of them as their miniature slider civilization grovels before you, begging for mercy. Of course, no mercy will be given, because White Castle sliders are delicious. There is also a Chicken Ring costume, which doesn’t seem as fun. Nobody wants to spiritually dominate Chicken Rings.
Though not technically a costume, Arby’s does sell a real-life version of the iconic Arby’s 10-Gallon Hat, which I’m now realizing is a logo? What the hell kind of logo is a hat? Is the hat made of meat, or it meant to be worn by meat? Is there a person who is wearing this hat, but got cropped out of Arby’s branding for being too scary looking? Man, imagine what kind of damage something like that could do to somebody’s self esteem.
Anyway, the hat’s only twenty bucks, so if you’re looking for a low-maintenance Halloween costume, it really doesn’t get much easier than dressing as you normally do, plopping a ridiculous hat on your head, and telling everybody you’re the man who is too scary for Arby’s.
Fourteen long years ago, our televisions were bombarded by a wee little lad who loved berries and cream, and our brains have been infected with his merry song and dance ever since. And now, finally, not a one of us should feel the pangs of embarrassment when we randomly break into his joyful jig in public places, thanks to the power of TikTok. Don’t remember him? Allow me to jog your memory:
Back in August, that wee little lad who went mad for Starburst’s Berries & Creme influenced a new generation and became viral on TikTok, inspiring a whole dang art movement around the the #berriesandcream hashtag, which has amassed 1.2 billion views in less than two months.
That rapid rise to fame could be why Starburst has only been able to manufacture a handful of Little Lad costumes for this Halloween; they can only be won by doing the Berries and Cream routine on TikTok and tagging it with #StarburstLittleLad and #Sweepstakes from now until Thursday, October 7. Don’t worry about rehearsing your act, because winners will be chosen at random, so even if you suck, you’ve still got a chance.
For some people, it’s not enough to simply “run” on Dunkin. No, these people want—nay, need—more than the essence of medium-roast Arabica beans running through their veins. These people are destined to become Dunkin’, and this Halloween, they’ll finally have their chance.
In a collaboration with Spirit Halloween, Dunkin’ is releasing a tasty-looking line of costumes that can help you strengthen your bond with Ben Affleck’s favorite restaurant. The lineup includes the iconic Pink Sprinkle Donut and Dunkin’ Coffee costumes, both of which sold out last year, despite the fact that Halloween was essentially canceled. This year, two new Dunkin’ favorites are joining the costume party: an adult-sized Dunkin’ Cold Brew costume and a child-sized MUNCHKINS Donut Hole Treats Box costume. These ensembles are going to be the hottest fashion trend in Boston this fall, so act fast if you’re hoping to score one.
Do you love boxed wine so much that you wish you could marry it but had your romantic plans shot down by The Man? Even if you can’t have your relationship legally certified, two can still become one with this snappy Franzia boxed wine costume, which features an interior side pouch that can carry a full dispenser bag of wine. You and your precious wine will at long last be packaged in the same box, which is so beautiful.
Franzia offers two fine varietals of boxed wine costumes: a rich and buttery chardonnay blend and a sophisticated dark red blend. And to help keep you safe as you stumble home on a wild, wine-drunk Halloween night, the costumes also glow in the dark.
Let us know if you spot any other branded edible getups in the seasonal aisle this month. We’ll keep you posted on what else we find.