The Chicago heat index hovered around 108 yesterday, leaving The Takeout staff to daydream about an escape from this swamp-assed hellscape. But that’s not stopping the autumnal fiends at Dunkin’, who are plowing headfirst into pumpkin territory starting Wednesday, August 18. Even earlier than last year. That’s exactly one week from today. Enjoy your bikinis and frisbees and ice cream trucks while they last, my friends: per Dunkin’, fall starts in exactly seven days. SEVEN DAYS.
According to a press release sent to The Takeout, this year Dunkin’ is “turning up the pumpkin heat” (???) earlier than ever before with a seasonal menu that includes a new Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew, a Pumpkin Spice Signature Latte, and several pumpkin-flavored coffee and baked good options. The menu’s highlights include:
- Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew, which the chain bills as “the ultimate pumpkin experience.” (I’ve always assumed the ultimate pumpkin experience involved sticking your head into a pumpkin and screaming, “WE ARE ONE!”) The drink involves Dunkin’ Cold Brew, something called “pumpkin flavor swirl,” and a Pumpkin Cream Cold Foam/cinnamon sugar topping.
- The Pumpkin Spice Signature Latte which, per the press release, “takes latte lovers to tantalizing new levels with a smooth blend of pumpkin flavor swirl and vanilla flavor.” The pumpkin spice signature latte is available hot or iced, which is good news considering the fact that I’m currently holed up in the coolest room in my apartment with a fan blasting me directly in the face.
- An assortment of Pumpkin Flavored Coffees, all of which are available with nondairy options like “creamy coconutmilk, oatmilk, and almondmilk.”
If you’re not quite ready to succumb to the pumpkin wave, might I suggest transitioning softly into fall with apple-flavored products? Dunkin’s fall lineup includes new Apple Cranberry Dunkin’ Refreshers, a non-coffee option with Honeycrisp apple, cranberry, and green tea flavors. You can also ease in with an Apple Cider Donut, which are, admittedly, delicious year-round.
Is Dunkin’s autumnal roll-out insanely early? Yes, especially since the chain appears to have beaten Starbucks to the punch. I’m picturing executives from both companies brawling in sweat-soaked cardigans and those big felt hats that lifestyle bloggers wear. May the best pumpkin win.