I don’t understand RPGs. A friend attempted to get me into one in college, but I got too confused by the explanation his character: a two headed weredinosaur that had been hibernating underground for millennia before being awakened by a bear spirit demanding he go on some sort of action packed religious pilgrimage. A few years ago I bought a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons books to play with my sons since they were creeping up on their teenage years, and I figured getting them into RPGs will keep them from getting anyone pregnant. Alas, it still confused the crap out of me, and I could not find a “dungeon master” that had the patience to teach me how to run my own game. YouTube and the internet at large have similarly failed me in my quest to become a warlock in my free time. Perhaps, I thought, a noob like myself would have better luck with Wendy’s new RPG: Feast of Legends.
The story so far, according the game’s official website: “The nation of Freshtovia has been the lone beacon of hope in the land of Beef’s Keep [sic] for decades. However, the Ice Jester and his rogues gallery of frozen fiends threaten Queen Wendy’s reign of prosperity.” The PDF game book shows some of the exciting far-away realms that players will be adventuring to: French Fry Forest, Frosty Canyon, Dave’s Double Hills, and Costa del Spicy.
I don’t understand any of this, but I’m still down to try. If anyone in Baltimore wants to meet up and teach me how to become a knight in the Order of the Asiago Ranch Chicken Club, let me know. I’ll be hanging out at McDonald’s on Monday, so why not go all in on handing my soul over to the fast food industry. I might even buy myself a Sexy Taco Bell outfit just for the occasion.