Everything old is new again, if you brand it right. Silicon Valley tech execs have famously “invented” all types of concepts—buses, bodegas—that already existed for decades. (“What if ride-sharing companies had a huge van, and people could share it to get to their different stops?” Bro, that is a city bus.) This wave of “innovation” has now hit the snack world, where a company called Union has debuted a treat tantalizingly called charcuterie crisps. Not to burst any bubbles, but they are just crunchy meat slices.
This is not to say we are not down with snacking on meat slices; give me an entire finocchiona and watch me go literally HAM on that baby. Union’s new line comes in four flavors—chorizo, genoa, salami, and sopressata—that can be “paired with a beverage, dipped in mustard or simply on their own.”
You may have some questions about these meat disks. But Kate, aren’t they basically just jerky disks? Pretty much. But Kate, couldn’t I just buy a package of pre-sliced pepperoni? Yeah, sure. The selling point seems to be the crunchy aspect, which does sound intriguing. If there’s one detail about consuming an entire charcuterie board that’s slightly frustrating—and believe me, I’m digging deep to find something about eating an entire charcuterie board that I don’t enjoy—it’s probably the thin film of grease left on my fingers afterward. Don’t worry, if I’m at your house for a dinner part, I promise to find a cocktail napkin and not just wipe it on your couch or dog. If Union’s crisps solve the greasy-fingers issue, more power to them. After debuting at a California snack trade show in March, the crisps are scheduled to hit retail and online this spring or summer.
In further novelty-meat-shape news, Dietz & Watson recently introduced sausage nuggets called—drum roll, please—Dietz Nuts. I am not even kidding. Inspired by German landjaeger (a dried sausage my Oma loves), Dietz Nuts are now available on Amazon Prime and through other retailers. Please note: “This product contains no actual nuts.”