Dog a goddamn food critic

Photo: Nikola Zivkovic (iStock)
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Ah, the pure pleasure of a story that requires you to fill in the blanks on your own. This one’s not so much a story as a picture. Less worms at McDonald’s, more, well, this:

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It’s worth the clickthrough to see the full order, in all its glory.

The details that really make this sing:

  • This is not, it would seem a to-go order. That is an order for a table. Now it’s possible that this person (I assume it’s a person, unless the dog has a standing order and roams around on their own) came in for a meal and just ordered just the burger to-go, but I see no to-go notes of any kind, do you?
  • On that note, I also see no other order, so again, possible this was placed separately, but it’s also possible that this person (or roaming dog) ordered only this plain patty and nothing else.
  • My favorite bit: I get stressing that the burger can’t be prepared with seasoning or oil or anything, but is there a worry the dog might eat the side salad?

I like to imagine a that this dog, let’s call her Harriet, was the companion and friend of an eccentric wealthy octogenarian who, in her will, left notes for the restaurant that Harriet be provided with one exquisite medium rare burger patty per day. So Harriet takes the elevator down from the penthouse (the doorman pushes the button for her) and trots down to her usual table, where the staff brings her a bowl of water and a bowl of biscuits while she waits. Maybe for variety she sometimes get some nice light salmon, but this is her regular meal. It’s a classic.

Normally the kitchen staff doesn’t need notes, but there’s a new guy, so gotta make things really clear: THIS IS FOR A DOG.

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About the author

Allison Shoemaker

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves television, bourbon, and dramatically overanalyzing social interactions.