Two worms hitch rides in McDonald’s cups straight into our imaginations

Illustration: cako74 (Getty Images)

At least two customers who patronized a McDonald’s in Lyons, New York found an unexpected sight in the bottom of their soft drink: A worm. The Rochester Democrat And Chronicle reports that the New York State Department Of Health has received “multiple complaints alleging worms found in beverages” at this particular McDonald’s over the course of the last two months. The Wayne County Sheriff’s Office told the paper it was working with the NYSDH to investigate the claims, but neither office could comment further because the investigation remains ongoing.

The restaurant declined to comment to the Democrat And Chronicle, but the franchisee has since given a statement to local CBS affiliate WROC News 8: “Serving safe, high-quality food and beverages is my top priority and we have worked with the local Health Department and Police Department to look into this claim. We’re taking this situation very seriously, including action to ensure that this doesn’t happen again.”

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But I think we know what’s really going on here. This is just the set-up for a Pixar movie, right?

It’ll be like one of these:

  • Trudy (John Cho) and Toddy (Regina Hall) are earthworms from two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where the nearest Coca-Cola plant is located. They’re forced to flee when their parents—one of which is definitely played by John Mulaney—get wind of their romance and tell them they’re forbidden from being together and using all of their multiple sexual organs to reproduce.
  • Bingo (Elsie Fisher) once saw a human watching Ratatouille and it made her see that there could be more than this provincial life, living in the garden of a guy who cleans fountain-soda lines for a living. So she makes a break for the big city the first chance she gets—by hitchhiking in a replacement tube. But she left behind a mother (Lily Tomlin) who never listened to her dreams, and now feels responsible for whatever harm befalls her in the big bad above-ground. Randy Newman will win another Oscar for his song, “Nothing On Earth Like Earth.”
  • Jawn (Sterling K. Brown) stole a lump of mycorrhiza to feed his sister’s child, who was close to dead. But he got caught, and is finally released after 19 years in an earthworm prison camp beneath a paper cup factory. On his release, he flees—a parole violation—and after establishing himself as the mayor of small earthworm town and adopting the orphaned daughter (Brooklynn Prince) of a consumptive sex worker (Lily James), he finds himself pursued by the fanatical worm lieutenant who oversaw his release (Mads Mikkelsen). Also a worm revolution is somehow involved.

Interestingly, this isn’t the first time a worm has hitched a ride in a soft drink. A 12 year old in Italy was hospitalized after finding a worm in her can of Coke last year, and in 2016, an Indiana woman spotted a worm in the bottom of a Diet Coke she got from, yes, McDonald’s.

Maybe that was pre-production? Just doing some location scouting?

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About the author

Allison Shoemaker

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves television, bourbon, and dramatically overanalyzing social interactions.