In a world that has gone completely verkakte, you can always count on Steak-umm to make things weird for everybody. If you’re on Twitter and have a love of both philosophy and frozen beef sheets, you might already be familiar with Steak-umm’s deep thoughts on music, millennial ennui, unity in the face of a humanitarian crisis, the spread of “fake news,” and whatever the hell this was. Almost two months ago, they tweeted what appeared to be a non sequitur:
Almost one month ago, as the coronavirus pandemic began to alter American life, Steak-umm stepped up to the plate to become a true leader:
Then, last night, America’s preeminent beef sheets/thought leader... subtweeted the president of the United States of America.
This is a real news story in the year 2020, when we were supposed to have flying cars and ray guns and treadmills for dogs. When I was a little girl, I dreamed about becoming a lawyer-slash-paranormal activity investigator, or novelty pillow manufacturer. But here I am, sitting on my couch in my pajamas in the midst of a pandemic looking into a 100% legitimate feud that’s brewing between a world leader and Steak-umm. If I could go back in time and warn my five-year-old self what was going to become of her, she would not believe (or even be able to decipher) any of the words coming out of my mouth.
Anyway, I’ve got absolutely nothing to say about this, because my brain is officially broken. I’ll let Steak-umm wrap this one up for me: