Sir Patrick Stewart only knows how to make one dish

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Sir Patrick Stewart poses on the red carpet
This man is absolutely full to the brim with beans
Photo: Paul Zinken/picture alliance (Getty Images)

Known sophisticate Sir Patrick Stewart has confessed that he only knows how to prepare one dish: beans on toast. The actor posted a clip of himself eating the dish on Twitter earlier this week, confessing that he’s enjoyed beans on toast “thousands of times” and poking fun at New York Times food writer Melissa Clark.

In the video, captioned “My signature dish since 1948,” Stewart boasts: “The only dish I can make, and I ate it probably thousands of times all the way through my childhood. Beans on toast. Eat your heart out, Melissa Clark.”

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I do have a few questions: namely, is there beef between Stewart and Clark? Or are they longtime friends sharing a bit of an inside joke? Is this like the time that I, midway through my high school history class midterm presentation on the Chiquita Banana Massacre, made a deeply inappropriate joke about my crush’s love for bananas in hopes that he’d notice me?

I’m also surprised at Stewart’s admission re: his own culinary ignorance. He strikes me as the kind of gentleman who can whip up a tantalizing amuse bouche at a moment’s notice using only a tomato and a hunk of old manchego. Then again, he’s probably been busy between Star Trek, X-Men, and all those times he brought the works of Shakespeare to life.

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Either way, I’m happy for him. In the clip, the 80-year-old actor added that eating beans on toast brought back fond childhood memories. “I’m 8 years old again,” Stewart exclaimed, tucking into a mouthful of beans while punching the air enthusiastically. I wish all of my cooking experiments brought me that much joy.