Here we have a riff on the classic salt + tequila + lime combination: Tajín + tequila + grapefruit. Tajín is a salt-chili-lime condiment from Mexico, though popular in the U.S. as well; you’ve probably had it on the rim of a michelada before and, if you’re like me, have licked it entirely off the glass. Now, the liquor could be mezcal (indeed, Salma Hayek commented “Mezcal” on the post, which, okay, hello Salma). But fans are now theorizing on TikTok that Kylie and/or Kendall Jenner is launching a tequila brand, so we’ll go with tequila. Grapefruit is a nice shake-up from the classic lime chaser, and gives the whole drink the impression of a Paloma shot. It’s a shame there weren’t enough cute blue-rimmed shot glasses to go around, though. Who do you think got the misfits?

Advertisement

Are we influenced? On the flavor combo? Oh, absolutely, and would try it with Mezcal, too. On the leaving-the-country-let-alone-my-apartment-ness of the whole thing? Not so much.


The pizza queen of Milan

Chiara Ferrangi is your classic thin blonde person about town, an Italian fashion influencer with her own clothing line and 22.5 million followers. Ferrangi has a blog called The Blonde Salad (?) and appeared as a judge on Making The Cut, the Tim Gunn reality show that came out on Amazon last March. She also has a young son, with whom, crucially, she recently made pizza. I saw this post and was delighted, because, well, it’s a photo of a child making pizza. But I continued to scroll through this feed and realize Ferrangi...only...eats...pizza??? Here’s a series in which the fully made-up fashionista experiences the three phases of pizza consumption: sexiness, pretending-to-like-someone-you-loathe-ness, and silliness.

Advertisement

Confusingly, she’s holding a slice of pizza with a full, unsliced pizza on her plate. Where did the slice come from? Doesn’t matter. The rules of the Chiara Ferrangi cinematic universe do not have to make sense. This is spon for Quelli Della Pizza, an Italian pizza company. Toppings-wise, it looks like we’re working with black olives, green olives, mushrooms, and a modest portion of cheese. But it doesn’t stop there. On January 17, she posted ten photos of her (and her son) eating pizza in various enviable outfits and locales for World Pizza Day. A few days earlier, she posted photos of her eating pizza in Lake Como, to the acclaim of her Instagram commenters. Now, would a person without such a commercially appealing face/body get as much love for eating all this pizza? Oh, of course not. But we should all be cheering each other on for eating pizza.

Advertisement

Are we influenced? You know, we could all be living a more pizza-centric lifestyle. So, sure.


A heaping bowl of chalk

Fitness Instagram is a truly terrifying place, filled with roided-out men who look like Bane from Batman and Robin (1997). (Not like Tom Hardy’s Bane, though.) Naturally, these guys mostly advertise for various protein powders, promising bulging, veiny muscles like theirs upon consumption. The challenge with protein powders is making them taste, you know, not like protein powder. A massive man named Lazar Angelov (5.7 million followers) has a breakfast recipe he calls “the fastest breakfast,” and it is filled with his very own branded protein powder:

Advertisement

Angelov’s recipe: 100 grams of oatmeal, 30 grams of (Lazar Angelov’s branded) whey protein, a scoop of chia seeds, and 100 grams of blueberries. Wait, so that’s basically half-oatmeal, half-blueberries. First off, that’s an aggressive blueberry ratio, but okay, blueberries are good. Sprinkle in some chia seeds for texture (and whatever other wellness claims they have), fine. And then: absolutely drench that shit in whey protein! Thirty grams of protein is more than half of the amount of daily protein recommended to adults, so, big move for breakfast. By the looks of that photo, that’s like, at least ⅔ cups of whey protein? Also, protein powder is a dietary supplement and is thus not FDA-approved, so god knows what this man is putting in his blueberry bowl. The thing is, while I don’t actually believe Chiara Ferragni eats pizza for every meal, I kinda do believe these dudes house whey protein at least three times per day.

Are we influenced? I am not convinced this breakfast isn’t simply a pile of whey protein powder, nor do I believe eating it daily would give me Lazar Angelov’s body. Not influenced!

Advertisement

That’s it for this week! Tune in next time, when we once again gape at people who unfortunately directly profit from our gaping at them.