Photo: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

Of all the contraband that could be hiding in one’s trunk—bodies, illegal firearms, cocaine-laced cheese sticks—unopened wine hardly seems to fit. But the recent movement in Mississippi to update some of its archaic alcohol laws reveals that, as of this moment in The Year Of Our Lord 2018, it is unlawful to transport even sealed booze through dry counties.

What? The Associated Press reports that citizens can currently be charged for transporting booze through dry counties, a measure that’s aimed at the obviously still relevant criminal enterprise of bootlegging. (While they’re at it, lawmakers should consider lessening the burdensome horse-and-buggy tax that’s been crippling the state’s milkmen.)

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The law could change if House Bill 192, approved yesterday by House members, is signed into law. That would permit the transport of sealed alcohol through dry counties for consumption at a debaucherous bacchanal one county over. If passed, it would go into effect July 1, just in time for the annual Williams County Fourth Of July Orgy And Pie Bake-Off.