“Take a look at my sausage fingers” —Donald J. Trump (Photo: Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

President Trump has to offset all those bunless Filet-O-Fishes, so naturally, he cuts calories by guzzling 144 ounces of Diet Coke per day. Jesus Christ.

In a fascinating New York Times tick-tock that delves into Trump’s daily rituals, we learn that our President of these United States—besides his other disturbing feeding-time habits—subsists on 12 cans of Diet Coke every day. That’s more than a gallon, and nearly five 7-Eleven Big Gulps. Trump is essentially hooked to an aspartame I.V. drip.

Disclosure: There was a time when, as a young, reckless, overachieving college student, I too consumed a completely unreasonable volume of Diet Coke. But I was... 19 years old? I grew out of it, and so should America’s third fattest president.

There are plenty of questions about whether diet sodas are better alternatives to regular, sugared sodas, with some research even correlating them with weight gain. Don, get with the times and switch to La Croix like the rest of us.