Someone Had A $3,400 Dress Postmated To A Restaurant

If this morning's crop of Takeout stories didn't alert you to the fact that organizations the world 'round are in full-blown "Wow, 2018, what a trip" mode, I'm not sure what will. But hey, here's another to toss onto the pile, this time courtesy of delivery service Postmates. On its entertaining (and perhaps somewhat overdesigned) end-of-year site, the company has trotted out some statistics and a few interesting little anecdotes about Our Year In Postmating, and while there are a few that are worth a mention, there's only one that truly sparked the imagination of this writer and the rest of the Takeout staff:

Someone had a $3,400 Stella McCartney dress delivered to a New York restaurant. The reason for this, as Postmates speculates: "Because it's Restaurant Week and you've presumably ruined the one you were wearing."

My kingdom for a hint as to what sort of restaurant it was! Italian food is probably the likeliest culprit, given the damage red sauce of any kind can do, but maybe it was seafood, and the culprit was cocktail sauce, or the person was eating oysters and just repeatedly missed her mouth. Maybe it was just good old red wine, and it was actually being ordered by a dashing billionaire of some sort, who spilled red wine on the dress of an intern for some event-planning company, and it was actually the beginning of an extremely cheesy romance. Maybe it caught fire somehow! Fondue accident? The mind boggles.

Nothing else on the list is quite that interesting, but much can be filed under, "Yeah, makes sense":

• New Years Day saw a big spike in orders for painkiller and Pedialyte.
• Similarly, we as a civilization ordered significantly more fries, chicken nuggets, shakes, and cheese sticks on April 20.
• In January, someone spent $1,000 on an order of 322 items from Taco Bell.
• On Valentines Day, demand for sex toys increased sharply.
• Orders for Russian food increased in November, presumably because everyone was telling the exact same Putin-related jokes.
• On July 4, people ordered bags of ice aplenty—which is a really good idea, actually, because this year the 7-11 by my apartment ran out of bags of ice on Independence Day and we were then iceless.
• By October 7, the year's best Postmates tipper had tipped $10,000 on more than 600 orders.
• Okay, this one actually does compete with the dress: someone ordered "the dopest and most colorful of the fake birds that they keep with the floral stuff and vines. They should be 3 inches and up in height. Go ham."

Human beings. We're strange.