All right. Now, everybody just calm down. We’re not thinking straight, folks. We’re so addled by our love of encased meats that we’ve forgotten what truly matters: logic. I’m referring to a recent tweet from Oscar Mayer proposing two-pack hot dog buns as a solution to the dreaded hot dog ratio problem.
The problem is this: most hot dogs come in packs of 10, but most hot dog buns come in packs of eight. So the obvious answer is to... encase two additional buns in another layer of non-recyclable plastic packaging and upcharge the consumer, right?
Wrong. Think, people! Think!
The Oscar Mayer tweet was a response to the Heinz Hot Dog Pact, which we reported on earlier this month. Per a press release sent to The Takeout, the Heinz campaign “aims to broker negotiations between bun and weiner companies to finally sell equal quantities.” Given the disparate hot dog/bun quantities, Heinz officially launched the Hot Dog Pact petition at HeinzHotDogPact.com and called on hot dog lovers to sign in support of the movement.
Still, I don’t think two-packs of buns was what Heinz was going for. Then again, brands have no real agenda other than selling product, so Heinz probably doesn’t care what Oscar Mayer does.
Still, the Oscar Mayer proposal is goofy. The brand tweeted a photo of the hypothetical two-pack, writing:
“We finally feel seen. We will always believe hot dogs are a perfect 10, so here’s an idea for anyone who needs more buns. 5,700 RTs and we will make it happen. Let’s change the world, together. #HeinzHotDogPact”
Sure, Oscar Meyer’s proposal would be great if you’re looking to grill one or two hot dogs. Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any individually-packaged weenies. With that in mind, one Twitter user asked the question we’re all asking: “Why not just sell a pack of 10?,” At that point, Oscar Mayer replied: “This is our compromise with #BigBun.” Ugh. Foolishness! There is no Big Bun! We live in hell! Everybody have a great Tuesday.