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Man’s epic 5-hour journey earns him a week’s supply of free chicken nuggets [Update]

Illustration for article titled Man’s epic 5-hour journey earns him a week’s supply of free chicken nuggets [Update]
Photo: Wendy’s

Update, April 27, 2020: A Portland man named Skweezy Jibbs gamed the system, and you know what? I don’t really need to add any sort of color commentary to this because nothing I can say can improve upon Mr. Jibbs’ own account of things, and I respect the hustle. Here’s to you, Skweezy Jibbs.

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Oh, and even the official Wendy’s Twitter account seemed fine with it, replying, “That’s just straight up impressive ngl.”

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Original post, April 24, 2020: If you’re one of the tens of millions of Americans that have lost their jobs and yet you’re still craving the sweet, sweet taste of chicken nuggets, well then get yourself over to Wendy’s today because they’re giving four free chicken nuggets to anyone that shows up. You read that right: four entire chicken nuggets. No purchase necessary, no dubious contracts to sign, no DNA sample or collateral needed. TGIF indeed!

Facetiousness aside, I get that this is just a ploy to get me to the Wendy’s drive-thru in hopes that I’ll drop ten or twenty bucks on other stuff, as they’re well aware that I’m not the kind of person who can’t be satiated by four whole chicken nuggets. But does Wendy’s seriously think I’m going to put on a bra for the first time in a week just for four measly nuggets? At least give me a BOGO offer, or a deal where I can buy 100 nuggets for twenty bucks or something. I’d definitely put on a bra for 100 chicken nuggets. Maybe pants, too.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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DISCUSSION

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The update to this story says “I am bad at cost analysis and I don’t value my time.” That guy spent 5 hours driving around getting 4 free chicken nuggets at a time. Sure, he wasted at least half a tank of gas - a lot of it burned idling at a drive-thru - to get 16 packs of nuggets that normally cost $1.49 each for a whopping savings of $23.84, nuggets that are going to be unsafe food 3 hours before he can get them back home to put in the refrigerator before taking them out the next day and eating microwave-reheated chicken nuggets which are generally considered among the lowest foods in the western world, but at least he has memories of... driving around Portland and Vancouver?

Oh and also he put every single Wendy’s employee he came in contact with at greater risk of infection thanks to his single-ply breathable underpants face mask.