It’s not too late to win some weirdly sensual Valentine’s Day merch from A&W

Woman in heart pajamas hugs fried chicken body pillow
Ladies love squeezing the ol’ chicken pillow.
Photo: A&W

How’d you spend your Valentine’s Day? My partner and I kissed a little and then watched Patrick Swayze rip a guy’s throat out in Road House. We are romantics. If you missed out on a spicy, spicy evening, it’s not too late to show yourself a little love—via a bizarre “sensual suite” of gifts from 100-year-old burger chain A&W.

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I’m gonna do my best to explain this one. A press release explains that A&W is “calling a truce to the Chicken Sandwich War,” (more info on that here) instead encouraging humanity to “make Chicken Tender Lovin’” (gross!!!!!!!) by entering to win a strange and wonderful assortment of gifts. All of the gifts are inspired by A&W’s Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders. Products include a Hand-Breaded Chicken Tender Body Pillow and a “psychedelic anti-chicken sandwich war poster” that reads, ahem, “Make Chicken Tender Love, Not Chicken Sandwich War.” Perhaps most disturbing is a tin of “mouthwatering Tender Lovin’ Lip Balm” made with A&W fryer oil. It pains me to write about this lip balm, so I’ll just share this sexual snippet from the press release:

“Guaranteed to keep your lips kissably smooth and put your Valentine in the mood for some hot...steamy... A&W.”

Upsetting! Anyway, you have until tomorrow, February 17, to enter to win one of several Tender Lovin’ products via A&W’s Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. You can also skip the social media mayhem and submit an entry form at awrestaurants.com/tender-lovin. Valentine’s Day may be over, but unsettling oily branded merch? That’s forever, baby.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

shoggothretired
Cheezitschristitburns

Article denies me what I thought was a fluffy root beer foam pillow, slaps me back to reality with chicken print.