It’s not too late to win some weirdly sensual Valentine’s Day merch from A&W

Woman in heart pajamas hugs fried chicken body pillow
Ladies love squeezing the ol’ chicken pillow.
Photo: A&W

How’d you spend your Valentine’s Day? My partner and I kissed a little and then watched Patrick Swayze rip a guy’s throat out in Road House. We are romantics. If you missed out on a spicy, spicy evening, it’s not too late to show yourself a little love—via a bizarre “sensual suite” of gifts from 100-year-old burger chain A&W.


I’m gonna do my best to explain this one. A press release explains that A&W is “calling a truce to the Chicken Sandwich War,” (more info on that here) instead encouraging humanity to “make Chicken Tender Lovin’” (gross!!!!!!!) by entering to win a strange and wonderful assortment of gifts. All of the gifts are inspired by A&W’s Hand-Breaded Chicken Tenders. Products include a Hand-Breaded Chicken Tender Body Pillow and a “psychedelic anti-chicken sandwich war poster” that reads, ahem, “Make Chicken Tender Love, Not Chicken Sandwich War.” Perhaps most disturbing is a tin of “mouthwatering Tender Lovin’ Lip Balm” made with A&W fryer oil. It pains me to write about this lip balm, so I’ll just share this sexual snippet from the press release:

“Guaranteed to keep your lips kissably smooth and put your Valentine in the mood for some hot...steamy... A&W.”

Upsetting! Anyway, you have until tomorrow, February 17, to enter to win one of several Tender Lovin’ products via A&W’s Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. You can also skip the social media mayhem and submit an entry form at Valentine’s Day may be over, but unsettling oily branded merch? That’s forever, baby.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.



Article denies me what I thought was a fluffy root beer foam pillow, slaps me back to reality with chicken print.