This morning, it brought us no joy at The Takeout to share the news of the impending Pepperonipocalypse—let me tell you, that is not how any of us were hoping to kick off a Monday. I’ve been doing my best to reduce my news intake on the weekends, which gives me a fighting chance of getting through the workweek without destroying my laptop with my bare fists. Today, after two days of keeping TV news switched off, I was made to emotionally process fire tornadoes, the MyPillow guy, and a pepperoni-less future all before putting on pants.
Another way I’m making it through each day, though, is by searching for silver linings. I haven’t had much luck with the fire tornadoes yet, and I already know that trying to find anything positive related to the MyPillow guy is an exercise in futility, but while mulling over the national pepperoni crisis, I realized that this is an opportunity for another tasty topping to step up, save pizza night, and be the kind of hero we so desperately need. Personally, I am throwing my support behind mushrooms, which are healthy, delicious, and, as far as I know, not threatened by either coronavirus or fire tornadoes. What topping do you think is bound to become America’s sweetheart? Italian sausage? Olives? ...Pineapple?