Pineapple on pizza is delicious and I will gladly die on this hill

Illustration for article titled Pineapple on pizza is delicious and I will gladly die on this hillem/em
Photo: GANCINO (Getty Images)

A YouGov survey has found that 24 percent of Americans believe that pineapple is one of the worst toppings you can put on a pizza. A survey of me, sitting here in front of my computer in comfy pants, has found that 100 percent of those people are wrong, because pineapple on pizza is amazing.

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We will return to this, believe me, but first, some more about this survey: YouGov surveyed 1,212 American adults on January 22 and 23, 2019; “The figures have been weighted and are representative of all US adults (aged 18+).” They were asked to select up to three most-favorite toppings and up to three least-favorite toppings. The results are unsurprising: We love meat and hate produce.

It’s a broad generalization, but the four most popular toppings are pepperoni (the champ by a mile, selected by 53 percent of respondents), sausage (34 percent), mushroom (31 percent), and bacon (20 percent). Those most frequently named as a least-favorite option were anchovies (49 percent), eggplant (30 percent), and pineapple and artichokes (each sitting at 24 percent).

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First, I find it a little hard to believe that 49 percent of people taking this survey have actually had anchovies on pizza. (I haven’t.) But more importantly, what the hell is wrong with all of you pineapple-haters? The Hawaiian Pizza is a thing of beauty. Australians get it: Pineapple is the right kind of sweet, just a little tart, juicy but not overwhelmingly juicy, and it tastes great with mozzarella. The sweetness and saltiness together are wonderful (that’s just science). It’s especially good with a really flavorful, herby tomato sauce, and when you add ham, it’s—

You know what, screw this. I don’t have to justify this to all of you. You want to miss out on the glory and splendor, fine. More for me. Instead, allow me to use this space to say Happy Early Valentine’s Day to my partner, who after years of bemoaning my love of pineapple pizza, has started ordering what he calls “Love Pizza,” which is just a gross, super cute way of saying he orders half pineapple, half pepperoni. So romantic. So dumb. So delicious.

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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DISCUSSION

anavriniv
Zaphod's Heart of Gold

Years ago I was tasked with selecting a number of pizzas to serve to adults celebrating the ending of a successful project. At 25 I was the youngest of the group that ranged from me to directors in their 60s.

One of the project managers suggested 5 cheese and 5 pepperoni pizzas. I kindly suggested he fuck off while I picked 10 pizzas suitable for adult consumption, not for a kid’s party. Ultimately I ended up on a couple meat lover’s, a sausage and onion, a cheese pizza (as a default), a veggie option, a few other combinations, and a hawaiian. My choice of Hawaiian was much derided but I figured if all else fell through it meant a whole pie for me.

The Hawaiian was the first one gone.

Fuck the haters.

Also - artichokes on pizza are wonderful.  I can make plenty of delicious pies without meat.