Last Call: What is the perfect food crime?

The McDonald's Hamburglar in an old TV ad
A food crime in progress
Screenshot: YouTube (Fair Use)

Much has been written about the bizarreness of the Year of Our (or someone’s) Lord 2020, and that extended to food crimes. Food & Wine took a few moments in late December to catalog the most bizarre—some of which the tireless staff at The Takeout has already told you about.


The funniest, in my opinion, was the guy who stole a box of doughnuts from a Voodoo Doughnuts location in Portland, Oregon. He jumped the counter (after wielding a machete, which I will admit would not be funny if you were on the receiving end) and filled the box of doughnuts himself. Police apprehended him a block away, where he’d stopped to snack on a doughnut. Which, really, can you blame him?

The most successful was probably the person who stole an entire Jack Daniels truck, mostly because, although the truck was recovered a few days later, most of the cargo was gone and the thief remained at large.

After the past couple of weeks, most of us need a good laugh. So tell us: What is your favorite food crime story?

Associate editor of The Takeout. Chicagoan. Owned by dog.


The Old Man from Scene 24

I used to work near a hotel by the airport that had an awesome breakfast buffet for the guests.

I’d go in on the mornings when the hotel parking lot was full, walk right past the sign that read “BUFFET IS FOR REGISTERED HOTEL GUESTS ONLY” load up my plate with fresh waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, etc., then grab a cup of coffee to go along with a piece of fruit or a cup of yogurt for later.

Sometimes i would get lucky and the hotel would also provide box lunches for the guests. I’d grab one of these as well if they were available.

Over the course of two years, I probably saved myself a few hundred dollars mooching off the hotel vs. going to McDonalds or Cracker Barrel for breakfast.

None of the hotel employees ever said anything.  I doubt they noticed or even cared.