Burglar stops mid-theft to make pizza

pizza dough being stretched
Photo: Karl Tapales (Getty Images)

I don’t know this from personal experience, but from my guess, being a burglar must be famishing. And so, in this daily slice of news, a purported thief decided to take a quick break from pilfering things in a pizza place in order to make himself a pie.

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On November 8, according to this little tidbit from GV Wire, suspect Oscar Sanchez stopped in the middle of his breaking and entering spree to fix some food. The screenshot included with the link shows security footage of the suspect holding a dough ball. There’s also what looks to be a container of sauce next to him. From my expert pizza opinion, this guy already looks like he knows what he’s doing, based off the way he’s holding the dough. Is he an employee, possibly? Does he only strike pizzerias? I need to know everything.

The Orange County Register also notes that the suspect even took the time to put on a pair of gloves to make the pizza, which only reinforces my theory about the thief’s expertise. While the pie was baking off, he emptied the registers and lifted some tablets, all before driving off in the pizzeria’s delivery car.

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The siren call of pizza is strong, and intense. In a pizza story from four years ago a thief near Cicero, Illinois, went through people’s unlocked cars, not for valuable electronic equipment or pawn fodder, but rather loose change and a buck or two. He then used that money to buy pizza from restaurants in nearby Berwyn, Cicero, River Forest, Oak Park, North Riverside, and Riverside that he’d earmarked because he thought the food looked good.

“That statement in itself is usual and demonstrates the length offenders will go to get what they want – in this case pizza,” Riverside Police Chief Tom Weitzel said. “This is one of the most unusual and bizarre burglary patterns I have ever come across in my 31 years in law enforcement.” Yeah, well. Pizza does strange things to a person.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

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DISCUSSION

sanfransam54
sanfransam54

I was looking for it to say “Florida man....”

Came away disappointed.