Last Call: What is the food record you’d most like to break?

Man holds up giant leek
English farmer Paul Rochester with his world record-breaking giant leek
Photo: Aaron Chown - PA Images (Getty Images)

This morning, Takeout editor-in-chief Marnie Shure shared the tale of 20-year-old Declan Evans, who set the Guinness World Record for fastest time to drink a Capri Sun. His time was 16.65 seconds, which is truthfully how long it takes me to poke the dinky little straw into the juice pouch.

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As Evans was reflecting on his juicy achievement, some 3,500 miles away, a team of stalwart Siberian chefs set a national record for the largest pancake pile. In a video from Inside Edition, we see the chefs cooking up approximately 1,500 substantial flapjacks before they build the tower at a festival in Siberia. The final height was about 3.5 meters, which is more than 11 feet. (Unfortunately, the pancake tower was set aflame as part of a festival called Maslenitsa.)

Food records tend to fall into two categories. Some record holders tout their hard-won skill and expertise, as is the case with record-breaking vegetable growers like the one pictured at the top of this article. But others are just bored dudes with a lot of Capri Sun on their hands. Which leads me to my question: What is the food record you’d most like to break?

I’m not asking which food record you’re most likely to break. In my case, that’s probably most fruit snacks eaten while rewatching episodes of The L Word or most shepherd’s pies eaten directly off of a kitchen floor (one, and that was enough). I’m asking which food record excites you the most. Do you think you can smash Evans’s Capri Sun achievement? Do you have the fortitude and griddle power to create a 12-foot pancake tower? I’d like to hear from you.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

conductedinpeaceclosedinharmony
ConductedInPeaceClosedInHarmony

I guess a story combining the last two Last Calls here... I went to college in upstate New York during a time when Buffalo wings were pretty much unknown outside of upstate New York. A bunch of us broke college students could usually scrounge up enough money to get wings delivered, and there was this one guy Ken whose wing-eating technique would make professional extreme eaters like Joey Chestnut or fictional characters like Wimpy from the Popeye cartoons gaze in awe and stand and applaud. He could down a dozen wings in a couple of minutes. If we ordered, say two dozen among three of us, we’d be lucky to get three apiece before he had finished the rest. It was like the cartoons where someone would hold a fish by the tail, place it in his mouth, and pull out a fish skeleton, only with a chicken wing in place of the fish. If there is a wing-eating record in the Guinness book, 19-to-22-year-old Ken definitely had a shot at it.