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Joey Chestnut breaks hot dog-eating record; America is great again

MAGA
MAGA
Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez (Getty Images)

Yesterday, while you lit sparklers, grilled burgers, and got #starspangledhammered, American hero Joey Chestnut shoved 74 water-soaked hot dogs into his mouth in 10 minutes, breaking his previous world record of 72. In the process, American supremacy in the global order has been restored.

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Chestnut’s performance at the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
is on the level of an early-aughts-Tiger-Woods or a 2012-Serena-Williams; the second-place challenger choked down a paltry 45 hot dogs. (I hope Chestnut later spiked one of those franks in the dude’s face while a bald eagle shat on the rest of the competition.)

You may say that competitive gluttony and wastefulness is nothing to be proud of, but right now, I’ll take whatever I can get in terms of American dominance. For comparison:

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But you know where American exceptionalism shines?

  • American ranks number one worldwide in choking down soggy hot dogs, so go suck on a croissant, world
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Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

random1guy
Random1Guy

What ever happened to Takeru Kobayashi? He used to win this thing every year for the better part of a decade, and since Chestnut beat him he’s fallen completely off the grid. I want a “Where Are They Now?” on Kobayashi.