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Today a list has reaffirmed my commitment to shopping from a couple’s registry, as long as I both shall live. Stuff of New Zealand has shared a compendium, a real treasury, of terrible, terrible wedding gifts couples have received, and a surprising number of them are food-related. Give them a click, because it’s their list and there are gems on there that have nothing to do with mealtime, but below you’ll find some culinary highlights and a rich sheen of total befuddlement.

Perishable

  • “We got a box of bacon and I’m talking like 20 pounds of bacon. This guest got it from a meat market and thought hey, bacon!! I divided it up with everyone I knew and their mother and yet we still have bacon left.” What? That is so much bacon. Our tip: Make Elvis sandwiches.
  • “So far the weirdest one has been a basket that held the movie It’s a Wonderful Life (best thing from the basket), a loaf of bread that was already expired before my wedding day, and a container of salt.” This would seem to be a reference to the film, only the gift given in the movie is of bread, salt, and wine, which means this person stiffed the happy couple of the best part of their gift.
  • “Used spices.” Why would you do this. You probably have at least one unopened container of cinnamon in your cupboard right now.

Non-perishable

  • “Six George Foreman grills.” Are they all from the same source? Were these grills just exceedingly popular that year? Again, I’m stumped.
  • “My sister-in-law received re-gifted measuring cups. How did she know they were re-gifted? The newly wed [sic] couple who gave them to her forgot to take the original congrats card out of the box that was addressed to them.” At least they were unused.

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Definitely from Tahani Al-Jamil

  • “A single saucer for a tea cup. Engraved on it were the names of the gifters.” They couldn’t spring for the tea cup, too?

Forgo the registry, if you must. But if you do, it had better be because you’ve got the best gift idea in history (hint: not a George Foreman grill)—or because you’re giving cash. If you are, at this present moment at the height of wedding season, holding a used jar of spices and considering gifting it to a couple to celebrate their nuptials, slowly put it down. Back away. Now walk to your laptop. Go to the couple’s registry. Buy the mixing bowl set instead. There you go.

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