Luxury might be relative, coming down to personal preferences and experience. But Carnival Cruises, which is already brewing beer on its ships, understands that sometimes life’s simplicities are the ultimate luxuries. In that spirit, your onboard drinking will now be freed from the arduous middle step of fetching your own beers.
A Carnival announcement heralds this revolution in sitting on a huge boat while slamming brews. The Takeout has not previously remarked upon the cruise line’s Pizza Anywhere option, so we’d like to take a short moment to do so here. Aboard Carnival lines, you can use an app to have pizza brought to you anywhere on the ship. This is a service that should exist everywhere, in all parts of the world, and should be considered an essential civic utility on par with clean water and shelter. It’s hard to pin down exactly what defines true power, but witnessing a whale’s song at sundown while summoning pizza to one’s side is the kind of privilege of which ancient kings dreamt.
Anyway, Pizza Anywhere now includes the option to add beer; the liner notes that it’ll be “available fleetwide in the coming months” and that you’ll have to upload a selfie so the crew can identify you to deliver your order. Lizards crawled so man could walk; early explorers set sail so that we could take our vacations on pizza ships. If you’re a cruise skeptic who, like The Takeout’s own Kate Bernot, considers the experience akin to being “trapped in a floating fiberglass hotel with hordes of strangers,” it can’t hurt, right? Good on Carnival for sussing out that nothing will ever be more profitable than a vacationer’s willful immobility.