Costco is selling a bottle of Prosecco large enough to kill a grown man

Bartender pouring Prosecco into glasses
Image: Eleonora Cecchini (Getty Images)

People love irrationally large food items. Consider the Tall Pie that sent Twitter into a tailspin last month or the World’s Largest Commercially Available Hot Dog hailing from right here in beautiful Chicago, Illinois. Now, Costco has released another gargantuan novelty item: a three-liter bottle of Prosecco.

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Instagrammer @costco_empties posted a photo of the new Kirkland Signature Asolo Prosecco last Friday, November 6. Once again, this boozy titan contains three liters of Prosecco. Ringing up at $29.99, each Paul Bunyan-sized bottle is equal to four standard 750mL bottles. Like most of Costco’s novelty products, it’ll go fast—we recommend calling ahead to make sure your local ’Co has these big fellas in stock.

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This is not Costco’s first foray into the world of colossal beverages. Last year, the chain released a very, very large bottles of eggnog. It was good for only the most steadfast noghead. I definitely see the appeal, as oversized goods are objectively funny. But I’m racking my brain trying to figure out how I could use up an entire three-liter bottle of Prosecco, especially since I won’t be hosting any Christmas or New Year’s gatherings this year. Here, I humbly propose a few other uses for a three-liter bottle of Prosecco:

  • Kill a man, either via overconsumption or smashing
  • Fill a small pool
  • Surprise your high school football coach, Coach Dirk, with the champagne shower of his dreams

How will you use your large Prosecco?

Staff writer @ The Takeout. Pork shoulder princess @ Chicago.

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DISCUSSION

You could saber it, but with, like, a claymore.