We must destroy the Tall Pie before it destroys us

Apple pie with lattice crust
Image: Ashley Corbin-Teich (Getty Images)

The world cheered when J.K. Daniels sculpted the first Iowa State Fair butter cow in 1911. The masses fawned when Jason Messier formed Rosie O’Donnell’s likeness using only candy and corn chips. But one Midwestern bakery appears to have taken gastronomic sculpture a smidge too far with a frighteningly tall apple pie that has some Twitter users clamoring to “kill it with fire.”

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Known as the Levee High Apple Pie, the honking dessert is the product of The Blue Owl Restaurant & Bakery in Kimmswick, Missouri. According to The Blue Owl’s website, the pie has been featured on Food Network shows including Paula’s Party hosted by butter personality Paula Deen. The website also mentions that the pie was inspired by the “Great Flood of’ 93,” which prompted the construction of a shiny new earthen levee to save the town—hence the Levee High moniker.

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Unfortunately, the pie made its way to the Food Network’s Twitter last weekend, leading thousands to seize on the pie’s uncanny resemble to a pecan-encrusted anthill and skewer what is very likely a perfectly tasty, innovative pie. “This is the turkey they carve into in Christmas Vacation,” tweeted Twitter user Spooky Drew.

Whether you’re interested in sinking your teeth into this lofty creation (go ahead, bad boy—order up) or deeply disturbed by a trifle most foul (or what another Twitter user describes as “large, horrible food” in general), we can likely agree on one thing: That’s a structurally impressive dessert.

Staff writer @ The Takeout. Pork shoulder princess @ Chicago.

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DISCUSSION

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PedanticEditorType

But whyyyyy. It’s so hollow inside. I don’t understand.