I have a rare condition known as River Rat Syndrome. It typically flares up in late June, causing my toes to prune, my hair to sweep itself into a tangled ponytail, and my feet to slide into the Chaco sandals I purchased from the Bass Pro kids’ section in 2014. During a River Rat episode, I have 24 hours to get myself to a river and into a kayak or I could die. It’s very serious.
Floating is my favorite way to spend a hot summer day, but I know that snacking on the water can be a pain if you’re not prepared. Sandwiches can get soggy, hands can get sticky, and blood sugar levels can drop, turning a perfectly lovely float into a buoyant hellscape. Fortunately, I’ve perfected the art of yakkin’ and snackin’. Here are my tips, gleaned from years of falling out of small watercraft.