When it comes to a “great family activity,” a few excursions come to mind. Amusement parks. Puzzles. Possibly a Renaissance Faire. But never in a million years would we come up with the Chicken Bear, apparently sold by “Maggie from Metairie” on Facebook Marketplace, billed as a “great family activity… can also make clothes.” WGNO ABC in New Orleans reported that Maggie “is offering ‘Chicken Bears’ for $35 unless you provide your own chicken, which will bring the cost down to $25.” One chicken can create two bears, apparently. But who provides the bear? AND WHY WOULD THE CHICKEN BEAR WEAR CLOTHES?
That is, Maggie was selling Chicken Bears. The quickly viral unholy poultry/stuffed animal hybrid is now no longer a Facebook Marketplace posting. Did it sell out so quickly? Or did the villagers raid her online marketplace with virtual pitchforks and torches to prevent Chicken Bears from taking over the rest of Louisiana? We may never know for sure.
But, call it morbid curiosity, but we now want to know what this Silence Of The Lambs reject looks like when it’s cooked. And then partially eaten, with chunks torn out of it, possibly with some fake hair peaking through. We’re sick, we know. But if you have a Chicken Bear, we encourage you to post a YouTube video or something so we can see how this nightmare all plays out.