Baked Beans Are Turning Me On (Hear Me Out)

Don't fear the magical fruit for your Valentine's Day dinner.

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Heinz baked beans
Photo: Chaloner Woods (Getty Images)

There’s something about aphrodisiac foods that feel special. You’re not slurping down oysters every day; chocolate is seen as a little treat; and even if you’re cooking up some of the more common horned-up ingredients like asparagus and strawberries, there’s a certain pressure to make the dishes look as gourmet and sexy as possible. Well, the Brits are telling us to abandon all pretense for a common English snack that is supposedly packed with as much of an amorous punch as oysters: canned baked beans.

UK-based news outlet Maldon Standard points out that baked beans are high in zinc, the same element that makes oysters and other seafoods an aphrodisiac. It’s a nutrient that regulates testosterone levels, which in turn can increase sexual desire. While it might not be your first choice for a romantic meal, there are plenty of reasons why picking up a can of beans could be the best option for a Valentine’s Day treat.

Beans are cost effective

So you’re trying to impress your date with a fancy dinner out, huh? You’re probably gonna try to order appetizers, entrees, a bottle of wine, dessert to share (maybe “Lady and the Tramp”-style). Then you’ll have to tip your server and grab an Uber home (because of the wine consumed). That’s adding up to hundreds of dollars, and for what? By the time you bring your date back to your place, you’re so full and tipsy and tired that you’ll both just fall asleep on the couch trying to watch a romantic movie.

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Canned baked beans, on the other hand, are running you $3 a pop at the most. For less than $10 you and your date can both get your proper doses of zinc and protein before carrying on with your night. Not to mention, the cans are portable and can be enjoyed from anywhere. Grab a can opener and go watch the sunset. Now that’s romance.

Beans offer a chance to get creative

I get it, chugging beans straight from the can isn’t for everyone. So why not use this as an opportunity to show off your creative prowess and get a little closer? Spoon-feed your date a helping of Busch’s sprinkled with some spice to get the blood pumping. Incorporate baked beans into a home-cooked dinner, served by candlelight. Heck, use the empty cans as candle holders! Getting crafty with beans can go beyond how you prepare them.

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Beans break barriers

I know what you’ve been thinking this whole time: What about the farts? Beans have a bad rap for making us gassy, and while it might be true, it’s not necessarily a negative thing. Go ahead, let the gas flow! If you and your Valentine’s Day date are able to let one rip in front of each other, that’s true love.