Not much on this Earth is more adorable than two pups in love. That’s why they call it puppy love, right? If you’re looking for that same Bella Note ambiance as Lady and the Tramp this Valentine’s Day, there are plenty of foods to share.
Romance is a serious business, so I won’t put this delicately—size and shape do matter here. Trust me when I say that brainstorming foods to take a double-ended bite out of with your partner can get very phallic very quickly. Our apologies for that; we were only trying to build a list of the food-filled smooches that would make for the most Instagrammable moments. Here are some dishes you can eat doggie-style. (Please forgive us.)
You never need to pretend that you’re “not actually very hungry” on your date. The true love of your life will never fault you for having an appetite. Embrace your mutual love of food by ordering a sub sandwich to split. If you think I mean your average footlong, then you are not ready for this type of romance. I’m talking about a party sub, at least six feet long. Both of you take a butt of bread in your mouths and build anticipation as you each try to put away 36 inches’ worth of lettuce, tomato, and deli meat.
Specifically what you want here is a baked soft pretzel stick. Unless, of course, you and your partner are very skilled at mouth acrobatics and can chomp your way through the figure-eight formation of a traditional pretzel. I’ll let you be the judge there.
Depending on crispiness, bacon is fairly similar to spaghetti noodles in that you and your date can slurp up a strip until you meet in the middle. You might need to save this move for the morning after Valentine’s Day, if you catch my drift. Imagine a romantic brunch for two, a stack of bacon, and one sexy morning breath kiss. This is what true love is made of.
A hot dog is not only a solid option for splitsies, but also a true test of any relationship. What if you and your partner have very different ideas of what goes on a hot dog? If you’re a diehard Chicago dog eater and they’re squirting ketchup all over a Ball Park Frank (my personal red flag), this might be the last Valentine’s Day you spend together. On the other hand, if your preferences match up then you could be sharing a mustard-dotted kiss at the end of your meal, and that’s pretty damn romantic if you ask me.
Hear me out: This chicken is literally cooked by being skewered through one end and out the other, so the setup is already in place. Grab a leg while your partner grabs a wing and let several pounds of juicy poultry bring you two together. Pro tip: For added romance, you two can split the wishbone.
If you want to save your shared food smooches for dessert, a churro is an easy, elongated handheld option to ensure your lips meet in the middle. This dessert tends to be filled with a custard or something of that nature, so watch out for surprise explosions in your mouth. Also, be sure to buy more than one churro and keep your backups hidden. That way, if the kiss bombs and your date runs off, at least you still have dessert.
If all else fails, do as the dogs do and get a heaping plate of spaghetti and meatballs. You can’t go wrong with the classics. But please, for the sake of all romance ever, please do not feed each other. You are independent beings. If in everyday life you are able to feed yourself, there’s no need for your partner’s hands to become a vehicle to your mouth. Just not sexy at all.
Happy Valentine’s Day!