For The Love Of God, Someone Adopt This Puppy Named Corn

Welcome to The Takeout Presents: Very Good Edible Pet Names, in which we explore the depths of Petfinder to uncover adoptable pets with nose-wrinklingly cute food-inspired names. Got an adoptable pet with a tasty name? Send your Marshmallows, Gingers, Linguines, and Sausages to lstone@thetakeout.com.

The holidays are mere weeks away, which means now is the perfect time to welcome a weird little animal into your home. Take it from me, the owner of a clinically insane beagle: Everything's a lot more holly and jolly when you've got a rescue pet by your side. With that in mind, I'm pleased to present this month's roundup of adoptable pets with food-inspired names.

As a reminder, I judge edible pet names by a rigorous rubric. First, the pet's name must be food-related. (This disqualifies Denim Dan, who is not named for food but, rather, fashion.) Second, I assess the accuracy of the pet name. (Does Chocolate Chunk look like a chocolate chunk?) Third, I hone in on general pet aesthetics, generally highlighting the funniest-looking little dudes I can find. Finally, I do my best to present a wide range of options, both geographically and in terms of animal species. Without further ado, here are this month's stars.

When I first saw Orlando Bloom perform as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings franchise, I was in physical pain when I realized I would never meet him. The same applies here. I'm devastated by the knowledge that I'll likely never meet Corn, this tiny little niblet of a beagle mix currently housed at Straw Paws Rescue in Lake Saint Louis, Missouri. Corn is described as a "fuzzy baby" and "the chonker of his litter with a double chin that will immediately steal your heart." Missourians, you know what to do. Let's get Corn a home for the holidays.

I don't have much information about Pasta, other than the fact that she is a female cat and her adoption fee is a mere $45. But one can infer a lot just by glancing at Pasta, who looks like the most no-nonsense cat on God's green Earth. Pasta doesn't care about you, your family, your foibles, or your preferences. Pasta has her own agenda. Pasta is also, it appears, exceedingly large. I have no choice but to conclude that Pasta is a perfect cat.

Next, I'd like to present The Pasta Girls, a gaggle of hamsters who are not to be confused with Pasta the cat. The Takeout staff had a good laugh when I discovered The Pasta Girls; initially, we thought one single hamster (pictured above) was named The Pasta Girls. We then had another good laugh when we realized that The Pasta Girls is the collective name for this group of six adoptable female Robo hamsters. The hamsters' names are as follows: Linguine, Fettuccini, Rotini, Ditalini, Pastini, Rigatoni—and Lasagna.

I'm not sure how Ravioli got his name, but I have to imagine it has something to do with the fact that he looks like a semi-translucent little pasta pocket. His adoption fee is a mere $40, but please do not eat him—geckos aren't stuffed with meat and cheese, but with gecko innards. They're also great pets, according to this reptile blog, which explains that geckos "live a long time in captivity, and are active at dawn and dusk when most people are home."

I cackled when I found TEAPOT on Petfinder—not because she's named for a teapot, but because her name is listed in all caps. This makes me think that TEAPOT may be hard of hearing, making it necessary to scream her name to get her attention.

TEAPOT's bio reads:

"I'm a little lady that is curious, but still a little shy when meeting new people, like many turtles I like to take things sloooooow and take my time getting to know new people and getting used to new situations. Since I am still young I will need a nice tank with plenty of room for me to swim, play, relax, and grow."

TEAPOT!

Nugget is a bit of a rare case in that he's a sanctuary animal. This means that he's not available for adoption; he is, however, available for visits and sponsorship. His rescue reports that he was taken in at two days old after being separated from his mother, a dairy cow. Today, Nugget is a "thriving, playful, selfie-taking, adventure seeking, snuggling cow!" If you're looking for some barnyard fun, I'd really recommend browsing the photos on Nugget's Petfinder profile. The camera loves this guy.