Welcome to This Month In Very Good Edible Pet Names, in which we explore the depths of Petfinder to uncover adoptable pets with nose-wrinklingly cute food-inspired names. Got an adoptable pet with a tasty name? Send your Marshmallows, Gingers, and Sausages to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have two hobbies: trawling Zillow for exorbitantly expensive countryside real estate and trawling Petfinder for animals with cute names. The latter has taught me one inalienable truth: when it comes to adoptable pets, food names are the cutest names. I’ve also met my fair share of tasty-sounding pets; a yellow lab named Lemon Drop lives on my street, and a college boyfriend’s stepmother owned an incredibly rotund cat named Sir Peanut. My dog’s name is Archie, but I call him Corn Chip for reasons that will seem obvious to experienced dog owners.
With this in mind, I’ve decided to turn my casual hobby into content, as media’s machinations demand. To you, readers, I plan to present a regular roundup of the very best food-related pet names. To determine which pets make the cut, I will employ strenuous criteria. First, the accuracy of the pet name. (Does Tootsie Roll look like a Tootsie Roll? Does Chicken Wing have some sort of funny little arm deserving of the moniker?) Second, I plan to explore general pet aesthetics to bring you a roundup of cool cats, dopey-looking dogs, and other weirdo pets, all adoptable. Without further ado, this month’s findings.
Tangerine is a stunning orange lady described as “feisty, carefree, engaging, adaptive, and cheerful with lots of energy.” This gal is, indeed, the color of a tangerine, and she’s sure to make a fabulous pet for an experienced bearded dragon handler. California’s Small Breed Rescue also describes her as a “great eater,” which is a huge plus for all of us here at The Takeout.
Here we have what may be the greatest food-related pet name I’ve seen in my extensive research. Sweet Maple Stirrup was rescued from a kill pen in 2018; since then, this fluffy teenager has gained a few healthy pounds and, per the shelter, is seeking a role as a “companion horse,” which I assume involves playing cards and accompanying her owner on beer runs.
Spumone (plural spumoni) is a molded gelato that usually contains candied fruits and nuts. Noni Spumoni, on the other hand, is a geriatric poodle who is apparently “not overly demonstrative” with her affection. Same.
Allow me to present a king among pigs: Butter Bean, also known simply as “Bean.” Per Petfinder, Bean is a “very friendly indoor pig” weighing in at a whopping 300 pounds. “This big boy gets along with dogs and children and would love to come be a member of your family,” his shelter writes, noting that Bean needs a home on the first floor as he is simply too portly to climb stairs.
Meet Tofu, a weeks-old duckling who was rescued after an animal attack. This special critter is a yellow-and-black Muscovy duckling who has reportedly bonded with a stuffed hippo. Rooting for you, Tofu!
There’s not a lot of information on Miss Pancakes’ Petfinder profile, but I’m giving her extra points for a great name and an even greater smile.
Cayenne and Spaghetti are 14-week-old brother kitties who are only available for adoption as a pair. Based solely on their photos, I’d say their adopter is in for a wild and wacky time.
Finally, we have Bitsy, who is not named after food but did make me laugh a lot. Okay, see you next time!