It happens to the best of us: You’re watching a football game, and inevitably, you start daydreaming. Your mind wanders, and soon you’re tuned out of the game completely, because you’re so distracted by the tantalizing thought of not players running the length of that field, but a wooden plank piled high with gourmet meats and cheeses. At any given NFL game, half the spectators are plagued by these pipe dreams.
None of that is true, but Syracuse.com reports that two ambitious dreamers from Little Falls, New York are looking to smash the current Guinness World Record for longest charcuterie platter by creating one the length of a football field. Nearly. Preston Moore and Mike Cassella, founders of the “315 Foodies” Facebook group devoted to the cuisine of Central New York, want to promote the area’s food scene by assembling a 315-foot-long charcuterie board for all residents of Little Falls to enjoy this coming September. It’s not quite the 360 feet of a football field, but it is over twice as long as the current record-holder, a Chicago board that measured 150 feet and held over 400 pounds of food.
And as for the food, Guinness specifies that any charcuterie spread vying for the record must include “five types of meat, two types of cheese, two types of fruit and two types of fruit spreads.” In other words, this is a charcuterie board first and foremost, and Guinness will have none of your fancy pancake board bullshit. We wish Moore and Cassella all the best in their noble pursuit.
There’s a Guinness World Record for pretty much everything, but the records related to food are usually among the most wholesome and fun, especially when compared to the abject horror of a record like “most navel piercings” or “most consecutive days without sunlight.” Not records around eating food, mind you, just….food. The fact of it. Its volume, its assemblage, all in a single place and consequently somehow inspiring our collective awe. Some delightful food-centric world records include:
- Largest annual food fight (40,000 people; Spain, 2013)
- Largest packaged food word (1,111 packages assembled to form the word “Free”; Hong Kong, 2018)
- Longest fruit snack (91.44 meters; Canada, 2011)
- Largest cookie mosaic (A portrait of Chiune Sugihara measuring 318.85 square meters; Japan, 2018)
- Most bagged lunches assembled in three minutes (Vanessa Lachey, 9 bags; USA, 2019)
- Largest cream filled biscuit (An Oreo weighing 73.4 kilograms; Bahrain, 2018)
- Largest showcase of chocolate dresses (23 outfits worn by models for Le Salon du Chocolat; France, 2008)
And so, so many more. Is there a Guinness world record that you’re confident you could beat, in matters edible or otherwise? I guess if we really put our minds to it, any one of us could make like Moore and Cassella and just keep piling up meats and cheeses until we forge our path to glory. Or maybe it’s time I ask 40,001 of my friends to join me in a food fight. Wherever your talents lie, I encourage you to be the Guinness record you wish to see in the world. (Unless it involves sword swallowing or something. I still know which pages of my 1994 edition to avoid.)