Let’s share our worst date-food stories

Illustration for article titled Let’s share our worst date-food stories
Photo: JackF (iStock)

Dating is hard enough without any curveballs in the mix. But add an X-factor like extreme sports, or unpredictable animals, or really bad food, and it gets exponentially more awkward. In the spirit of solidarity, The Takeout staff will share our worst date-food stories, the times we were on dates where the food threw a monkey wrench in our best-laid plans. We can’t wait to laugh-cry as we read yours in the comments.

Advertisement

I’m reaching all the way back to high school for this story: During my senior year, I’d been asked on a first date by a guy I’d had a crush on for months. He suggested we go see a local band that was playing a few towns over. I was so excited for this and spent a week choosing what to wear, how to do my hair, etc. He picked me up, we drove to the address printed on the photo-copied show flyer, and… the venue wasn’t a venue. It was a person’s house. We were going to a basement show. This wasn’t the plan, but I rolled with it. (I was very into this guy.)

Advertisement
Me in senior year of high school, around the time of the basement show Oreo incident
Me in senior year of high school, around the time of the basement show Oreo incident
Photo: Kate Bernot

I can’t remember whether there was alcohol there or not, but he and I weren’t drinking. There we stood, on our first date, stone-cold sober and surrounded by about two dozen other suburban kids in our mall-punk clothes listening to a terrible band butcher their way through Sunny Day Real Estate covers. And I was starving. I’d be too nervous to eat all day, and figured we’d eat at the show, or on the way. Now I realized that definitely wasn’t happening. I didn’t know the town, so I didn’t know where we could grab food afterwards in those mysterious pre-smartphone days. To his credit, my date asked a kid who looked like he might somehow be involved in organizing this “show” whether they were going to order pizza or anything. The kid instead walked upstairs and returned with an armful of what appeared to be food he took from the house’s pantry. “I’ll sell you these Oreos for $5.”

So, a revision: There we stood, on our first date, stone-cold sober and surrounded by about two dozen other suburban kids in our mall-punk clothes listening to a terrible band butcher their way through Sunny Day Real Estate covers eating a random family’s Oreos that cost us $5. I would later ask this kid to my senior prom. —Kate Bernot, managing editor


After a severely long dry spell in my late 20s, I ended up meeting a guy who I really liked. We went on a couple of dates. Everything was great. I liked him more. And then, one night, we were lying around talking about nothing and the subject turned to food. More specifically, the food we missed and made us homesick. I knew then that it wasn’t going to last: it was way too melancholy a conversation for something as happy as the start of a relationship. We had the “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation two days later. —Aimee Levitt, associate editor

Advertisement

After enjoying a three course dinner at a moderately priced, reasonably portioned restaurant, my date turned to me and said “I can’t believe you eat so much!” There was no second date. -Allison Robicelli, staff writer

Advertisement

Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

Tebow Kneeled First

So right around the time I turned 20 I started to realize I was pretty sensitive to sugar and I was drinking a few sodas a day. I was 19 so you know whatever. Anyway I decided to “quit sugar” pretty much cold turkey a few weeks before my birthday. Man like Day 2 I hit a WALL and my brain just shut down and I had no energy. Couldn’t study. It was bad! But I soon adjusted and tried to avoid sugar from then on as best as I could. Much to the annoyance of my then-girlfriend this also meant not touching Valentine’s candy.

Cut to my twentieth birthday. My gf and I had plans to go out that night, but the afternoon I got back from class she had gotten me several bags of sugar-free chocolate candies and left it at my apartment as a surprise. I didn’t know such things existed! I was so happy! I ate a whole bag!

Turns out xylitol is a pretty powerful laxative. When she came over to get me I was on the toilet. It was loud. You know the horn that blows when a ship pulls into port? Imagine that coupled with uncontrollable groans. Anyway I got ready to leave, but as I got to the door I had to turn around and return to the bathroom. More ship-horning. Came out. The back again. More ship-horning. And so on...

Never did make it to my brithday dinner. She actually stuck around and watched t.v. just in case I needed to go to the hospital. I eventually married that girl.