This guy would probably love it.
Photo: Martin Leigh (Cultura/Getty Images)

They say everything’s bigger in Texas, but SBG San Antonio reports that this recently announced inaugural 0.5K run is heading the other way. The Facebook event page for the 0.5k run in the town of Boerne is for “underachievers,” described as a “very fun, tongue-in-cheek event that will lampoon the typical 5k.”

“Racers” will meet at River Road Park, across the street from Dodging Duck Brewery. “Conveniently, the Duck has offered all participants a free pint of beer before the start of the race, so get there early. Yay beer!” Once they finish the race, runners (or walkers) will get another pint of beer, this time from Cibolo Creek Brewery. If they have to stop midway through their 500-yard journey, there will be a doughnut and coffee station for caffeine- and carbo-loading, along with a designated smoking area.

All finishers will receive a medal (“we are all about positivity and self-worth”), a T-shirt, and “a pretentious oval Euro-style 0.5k sticker that you can attach to the rear window of your car to show everyone what a cool hipster you are.” Sounds like a good deal for the $25 entry fee. Proceeds are going to the Boerne branch of Blessings In A Backpack, an organization that works to provide food on the weekends for elementary school children who might otherwise go hungry. Gotta say, even if it smacks of a light-hearted trolling of hipsters pretentious enough to stay healthy, it’s a fairly inspired take on a fundraiser for a good cause; no wonder it’s already sold out.