Photo: Scott Olson (Getty Images)

Typically when The Takeout brings you sausage news, it’s a happy occasion, since sausages are awesome and improve your positivity and well-being. So please know it brings us no joy to report this news: A man formerly employed at Johnsonville’s factory in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, has been charged with inserting foreign objects into its sausages.

Let’s preface that none of the tampered sausages made it out of the factory, and all products that could have been affected were discarded.

Jonathan Lane was charged last Friday in federal court, according to FOX6 News in Milwaukee, including tampering with a consumer product—a charge punishable up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. In late March, surveillance footage caught Lane inserting a cigarette paper and a wire connector into sausages, while the links were on the processing line. Here’s where the story gets strange:

Lane stated that he planted the piece of paper and wire connector and then, each time, reported to management that he found them on the food processing line.

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Again, rest easy that no sullied sausages made it out of the facility. May we all resume our sausage consumptions in peace and happiness.