Why No-Contact Food Delivery Should Stay Forever

I hope to never interact with another delivery driver again, for both our sakes.

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Photo: Anna Hoychuk (Shutterstock)

The AITA (Am I the Asshole?) subreddit is at it again. Newsweek reports on the latest viral thread from the site, this time posted by a 28-year-old man who complained about a pizza delivery driver after he seemed a little too friendly with the poster’s girlfriend. When the delivery driver arrived, the post reads, he asked whether the girlfriend was at home, and when the boyfriend said she was busy, the driver lingered in the doorway for a while to make sure she was okay.

The Reddit user, Pplthrowaway507, writes:

I told him he shouldn’t keep standing outside like that and he rudely said it wasn’t my property. I got angry but didn’t want to escalate so I said this wasn’t public property and he should LEAVE. I then went inside and shut the door. 10 minutes later, I caught a note getting slid under the door. I went to look and opened the door and saw the pizza guy going downstairs. I stopped him immediately and then read what the note said. He kept calling my girlfriend with her name and said that he was worried about her and how sad he was that he didn’t see her this time.

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The girlfriend eventually shows up, telling the boyfriend not to make a big deal out of the delivery driver’s odd behavior so she can keep ordering from that pizza restaurant in the future without getting marked as a “problem customer.” 

Redditors, of course, weigh in on both sides of the debate, arguing that the pizza guy was being creepy or that the boyfriend was overreacting. While reading through the whole debacle I had only one thought: This never would have happened if the couple had just embraced no-contact food delivery.

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Why no-contact food delivery is now the only way

What was first introduced by restaurants as a way to slow the spread of germs amid the pandemic now feels like the only correct way to have food delivered to your home. Whereas in the past you would have needed to greet the delivery person for the exchange of food for cash, modern app-based ordering technology makes it so easy to have a delivery person drop the food at your front door, send you a picture of where they put it, and be on their way. It’s more efficient for them and a superior way to receive a food order, for multiple reasons.

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  • You can maintain some sense of privacy. If you have a house, this means that the stranger delivering your food doesn’t know what your living room looks like. In my current case, this means that they won’t even know exactly where I live—deliveries are dropped at the front gate of a courtyard with several units. The less some DoorDasher bringing me Taco Bell knows about my exact location, the better. Plus, the delivery person is not stuck going up several flights of stairs within the building, saving them time and energy.
  • No one has to know who the food is for. It never feels great to open a bag of takeout just for you and see several sets of disposable silverware in there, implying that it should be feeding a crowd. Worse yet is when you answer the door, clearly alone, and have to face another human as you bring in that haul. “I, uh, have friends coming…soon,” you might blurt out unconvincingly. Now the delivery person just feels sorry that you felt the need to lie. No one wins. But with no-contact delivery, the driver isn’t even considering you; they drop that big ol’ bag and move onto the next dropoff, and you can nosh on your smorgasbord in peace.
  • Avoid awkward small talk. What are a deliver-er or deliver-ee really supposed to say to each other? “Here’s your pizza, how’s the weather?” “Thanks for the food, don’t forget to call your mom.” It always feels unnatural, no matter how well-intentioned. The option for silence is golden.
  • Wear whatever you please. If I’m ordering delivery, it’s probably 90% because I don’t want to put on real clothes to walk to the nearest restaurant for pickup. And even though I know that the delivery person likely isn’t up-downing me to judge my fashion, it’s much nicer to not even have to worry. Go get that Thai food while wearing that bathrobe and an avocado face mask, girl—who cares?
  • Pets are none the wiser. In many no-contact delivery situations, you can specify that the delivery person doesn’t need to knock, meaning your dogs won’t go berserk at the sound of a buzzer or doorbell. Your cats won’t have the chance to sneak out through the open door as you sort out payment or maneuver the bag handoff. Your boa constrictor won’t assume the delivery person is actually its meal, avoiding a sticky situation. No-contact delivery is best for all species.
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If you’re not already choosing this option when ordering food, you’re welcome. Once you try it, there’s no going back.