Who wouldn't want a boyfriend made out of box wine?

Illustration for article titled Who wouldn't want a boyfriend made out of box wine?
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44-year-old Portland, Oregon resident Michael James Schneider is single, a little lonely, and—like us—enjoys a good pour of premium box wine into a coffee mug every afternoon now and again.

As an artist, Schneider realized he could perhaps solve his loneliness with a bit of box wine and some ingenuity: He created a “boyfriend” named Franz out of box wine and a metal frame. Schneider tells Metro UK the idea came to him after a breakup: “I usually make art from leaning into and embracing the most humiliating parts of my life. When I’m single and lonely and drinking… well why not create a companion out of that loneliness?”


Why not, indeed? Schneider and Franz are progressing well in their relationship. They cook together; enjoy breakfast in bed; and indulge in other adorable couple’s activities.

It seems there are numerous upshots to a boyfriend made out of Franzia: He wouldn’t leave socks around the house (presumably he doesn’t wear socks); he wouldn’t mansplain; he wouldn’t invite all his loud friends over to watch a WWE match without telling you; he’d be a good listener who always has a glass of Cab at the ready.

As for cons: Well, he’s made of cardboard.

Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

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Objectively Terrible

This is a great idea; it’s a relationship with a built-in timer. Once your Pinot Bro-oir is out of juice, the relationship’s over and you can maybe look at dating someone made out of glued-together vodka bottles.