Get kids free meals at White Castle by subjecting them to Santa Claus

Illustration for article titled Get kids free meals at White Castle by subjecting them to Santa Claus
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On Sunday, December 9, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., more than 200 White Castle locations will offer free kids meals for up to four tiny humans per adult human. That’s a good damn deal. The only cost is this: You must subject your children to a visit with a big stranger in a weird red outfit and a beard—probably a fake one.


White Castle will host a Lunch With Santa for the seventh consecutive year, welcoming many tiny humans (and their full-size humans) to locations throughout the country for “a free, fun, casual way to celebrate this special time of the year.” And again, all you have to do for the free food is convince your kids that the large adult in the fuzzy, cheese-smelling outfit is a-okay, and that they should tell him what gifts they’d like, so that they can later learn a valuable lesson about expectations and disappointment.

Here, adult humans, are the free foods that you can feed to your children, provided you’re willing to low-level traumatize them for a couple of minutes:

  • A choice of one of the following: two original sliders, cheese sliders, veggie sliders, or a six-piece order of chicken rings
  • A side of applesauce or a kids size french fries
  • Apple juice, milk, or a small soft drink

No reservations are required, and should the large adults wish to document the nightmare as it unfolds, cameras are encouraged.

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!


Santa. One of my mothers favorite stories about him is how my sister and I went see him at the mall one year. And he knew us. And what we had been up to. And how pretty our new puppy was; and how funny it was that our father had to toss it out the door into the snow, then chase it to get it back inside.

She said it was good to convince us Santa was real for another year, and she still has no idea who he was.