*taps you on the shoulder with a large jousting lance* You, there! Yes, you! You may be wondering why I’m tapping you on the shoulder with this large jousting lance. It’s because I’m feeling the urge to spar, milord. I’ve been sitting atop my throne (read: faux-suede couch from Macy’s) all day, and I’m craving a bit of a tête-à-tête. Yes, my good fellow, I’d like to ignite a bit of controversy, which is why I’ll pose the following question: what is the best bean?
The world is full of beans. There are coffee beans and pinto beans, refried beans and garbanzo beans. Beans are the golden thread that adorns our societal tapestry. I think of beans often, but I’ve really had beans on the brain for the last 24 hours or so. Why? Because I read that wretched New York Times article about the woman who donated her kidney, that’s why. And kidney donation made me think of kidney beans, which are my personal favorite bean.
I think kidney beans are the most underestimated of all the beans. They’re large enough to hold up to heavy protein, like the ground beef in my mom’s semi-famous baked beans. They’ve got a pleasant toothsomeness that you won’t find with flimsier legumes. Plus, their mahogany hue lends a touch of class to any lackluster bean dish. And yet, they don’t seem to be as much of a pantry staple as other bean varieties. Sad!
I realize that this is a controversial topic, but I’ve got to know. Do you have a favorite bean, readers? Do you worship at the altar of the navy bean’s pearly curves? Do you spend your weekends slugging pinto beans in your Ford Pinto? Do you attract mates by sensually hoisting a spoonful of butter beans at passersby? Tell me, tell me, tell me: What’s the best bean?