The worst part about 7-11’s new Doritos Loaded is not that they taste of salty cardboard with dollar-store cheese filling; it’s that deep down, we kind of hoped they’d be good. After trekking to two separate 7-11 locations—the first store wasn’t selling them, even though they had the requisite materials—there was a flicker of hope that maybe all the hate was just hype. But, as the video below proves, there’s nothing redeeming about Doritos Loaded. Whether it be the lack of any distinguishable Dorito flavor, or the queso that alternates between lukewarm and lava-hot, there’s little redeeming value for these flash-fried, then store-microwaved, concoctions.
Watch as Erik Adams and I attempt to each take down a four-pack of Doritos Loaded, our only reprieve from the pain coming by way of sips on our saccharine Slurpees. Kudos to Marah Eakin for filming the moment when our innocent dream of enjoying a cheese-filled Dorito died forever, replaced only by a sense of shame and unending indigestion.